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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23661592">The Straight Man</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowstarKanada/pseuds/ShadowstarKanada'>ShadowstarKanada</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Metal Gear</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Implied Relationships, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2005-11-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2005-11-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:41:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,260</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23661592</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowstarKanada/pseuds/ShadowstarKanada</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Snake and Otacon drop by one of Ocelot's safehouses for a brief discussion.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Straight Man</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This had to be someone's poor idea of a joke of some sort.</p>
<p>I was gay. I'd known it for a <em>very </em>long time, and I'd become comfortable with it over the years. There was only one man I'd ever truly <em>wanted</em>, one great love of my life who hadn't felt the same way, but that hadn't stopped me from bedding anyone else over the years. A parade of men lined up hopeful for whenever the desire hit me, really. But I was gay, and I still had a thing for <em>him</em>, and the rest never really meant much. I protected myself by not caring about any of them, and everyone was happy. I sublimated my desires, put all my efforts into my work, and it was enough, just as it had been before I met him.</p>
<p>And then he died. And then I met his children.</p>
<p>They were <em>nothing </em>like him.</p>
<p>Solidus looked like his father at the end to me, but he didn't have that certain... whatever it was that Big Boss had. That- that <em>soul </em>earned through battles and hardships and betrayals. A poor copy of his father, no thoughts of his own. Politician more than warrior, despite his experiences as a soldier in a few major conflicts.</p>
<p>Then there was Liquid... ah, Liquid. He took his father's dream and ran with it, but what of it? I worked with him, and I saw nothing of the compassion, of the <em>love </em>that Big Boss showed every day with his little children soldiers of peace. Liquid. Just a madman pursuing a dangerous idea he hadn't quite understood.</p>
<p>Solid came closest, really- he looked like Naked Snake had the first time, without even planning it, and it caught my eye. He had the compassion, the same lack of ambition. But he had none of Big Boss'... <em>shame</em>. None of that innocent charm Big Boss exuded like poisonous gas. He had his own life that he was trying to live. The only one of the four Snakes to be gay, and by the time I'd finally found someone who was to my taste, I was too old, bitter, and dangerous to pursue it.</p>
<p>And then, his lover cut off my arm. Damned Fox. And so now, it would be <em>Liquid </em>I shared my life with. The psychopath.</p>
<p>The straight man.</p>
<p>I hadn't even noticed his incursions at first. I assume he came while I slept, did what he wanted, and left before I woke. Later, when it grew noticeable, I ignored the blackouts. Why would I assume I could be taken over by an arm? Ludicrous. Unfortunately, absurdity seems to be a norm in my life.</p>
<p>I'm not a gambling man, but I'd be willing to offer my right arm on a bet that said the Lalilulelo knew <em>all about </em>that possibility. Hmph. I'd be willing to offer my <em>left</em>, at that. Plots within plots.</p>
<p>They'd been on about how I should have children for years back in the seventies and early eighties, and then they'd just... given up in the nineties. Their great project. Genetics, eugenics, breed the perfect soldier. I wanted no part in <em>that </em>project. I had enough to deal with, and I didn't have any real wish to sleep with some female soldier so someone could find out if my genes passed on well.</p>
<p>"Are you all right?"</p>
<p>I looked up at Solid Snake and his little partner, holding the child between them. Solid waved a hand in front of the other man's face, apparently trying to cut him off, and I stared at the three-year old with a sneer.</p>
<p>Damn Liquid. Why did he have to be straight like his father who couldn't see devotion when it was offered to him?</p>
<p>"Do you think this will gain you something?" I growled out at them.</p>
<p>"That's not what this is about," protested... what was his name, Otacon? Insufferable thing, holding <em>my </em>genes sleeping in his arms.</p>
<p>Solid Snake shook his head in annoyance. "Look, it took us a lot of time to find your genetic material for a test. Even longer to track you down. If you don't want her, the three of us will take care of him."</p>
<p>The three of us. Obviously including Raiden in the matter. Another fly in the ointment. <em>My </em>child, growing up with that little blond bastard's? "Where <em>is </em>the third member of your little Philanthropic group?"</p>
<p>"With Rose and the baby," said Otacon uncomfortably. "He'd better get custody, or-"</p>
<p>"Otacon!" Solid said quickly through closed teeth. "Ocelot doesn't want to hear that," he said meaningfully.</p>
<p>"Oh, do go on." Not that I was interested in custody battles, of course- who was paying for Rose's bills if not her employers?- but who knew what else might slip out while the talkative one was blathering on...</p>
<p>Solid narrowed his eyes at me. "Look. This kid is yours. If you want it, great. If you don't, even better."</p>
<p>I stared at it. It looked more like <em>her </em>than me. Almost more like <em>him</em>, and he hadn't even contributed any genetics. The hair was mine, thicker than the mother's wisp of near-white. The chin was mine. And didn't that nose look just like <em>his</em>? Everything else was hers, though.</p>
<p>Probably for the best. If it had looked like Big Boss and me, I might have been tempted to keep it. And that was a stupid idea. "The kid isn't mine. It's my arm's. Get out before I decide to shoot you in front of it."</p>
<p>Why hadn't I done it already? Psycho Mantis was right. Damn him. People wanted to pass on their genes. Know they'd left something to the world. Liquid didn't care, a soldier to the core, but there was a part of me, a deep, dark, part I'd tried to hide, that did.</p>
<p>And that deep, dark, hidden part didn't relish the idea of my spawn, whatever it's mother, being in the hands of my bosses. They'd kept me as a child. My progeny in the care of maniacs, like the ones they left <em>me </em>with? No, no. It'd do better with them, older sister to Raiden's little battled-over bastard.</p>
<p>"But she's <em>yours</em>," insisted Otacon. "You'll want visitation and-"</p>
<p>"Come on, Otacon."</p>
<p>"But he hasn't <em>thought </em>about it!"</p>
<p>"Let's go," Solid said, pulling the man to his feet. "I told you there was no point. You tried your best. Let's get home before <em>Raiden </em>finds out about this."</p>
<p>"I guess... But... it's just... Father and daughter, and..."</p>
<p>The pair walked out through the front door, Otacon still jabbering away with my child in his arms, neither apparently concerned that one of my handlers could have seen them and shot them and grabbed the child before they'd done anything. Perhaps Solid had swept through the neighborhood earlier and killed them all. I stood and closed the door behind them, then watched out the window alertly for a moment.</p>
<p>It occurred to me, as they got in a car and drove off, that I wouldn't just be trying to kill the last of Big Boss' sons, or my own strangely-related brother. I'd be trying to kill the father of my own child.</p>
<p>I sat down and poured a glass of vodka, straight up, the perfect chaser for news such as this.</p>
<p>Me. A father?</p>
<p>I laughed and drank my alcohol. I wasn't a father. Liquid wasn't a father. Solidus wasn't a father. Naked Snake wasn't even a father. And that Gurlucovich woman certainly wasn't a mother.</p>
<p>Damn them all for being straight.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Republishing the old fics I once had on ff.net is kind of fun. Returning lost fics to the world for Covid reading! Lightly modified to have the kid be a daughter, since this was written before MGS4.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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